It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
