can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
