i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
