girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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