You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize