Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
