Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
