You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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