So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
