Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
