Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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