I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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