All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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