she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
