Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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