Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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