Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
