dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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