I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
