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well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
