I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
