she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your cock deserves a montage
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
