if only i could text you this smell
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
