just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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