i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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