Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
