"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
