those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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