good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
