he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
