How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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