Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
