So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
