I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
