I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
