After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
