ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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