I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
