You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
