Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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