I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
