how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
