Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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