I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
