dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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