please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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