My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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