I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
