I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
