cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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