well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
