Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
