I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
