I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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