are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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