hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
