it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
