Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
