Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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