Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
