sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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