You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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