I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
