I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
