I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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