:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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