I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
