The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
