So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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