This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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